Who are You, Really?

It’s a simple question, one you’ve been asked myriad times in myriad different ways: Who are you?

Perhaps you are a successful teacher, doctor, lawyer or politician. You may have certain affiliations or ideologies – you are American, Hispanic, female, democrat, atheist. Or perhaps you identify with some set of your most charming attributes – you are tall, good-looking, sexy, and loveable (of course).

In order to feel valuable and safe, we weave together an intricate matrix of thoughts and beliefs that define who we are. These carefully constructed boxes provide a sense of security, but also keep us terribly limited. We expend tremendous energy crafting our identity…and even more energy defending our identity against others who might intentionally or inadvertently threaten it.

Yet, none of these identities is who we really are.

For the past two weeks, I was asked by Arianna and Willow of the Huffington Post to write about my personal story, about my own identity, and the defining moments that brought me to write this column. Yet, paradoxically, the most “defining” moments of life have been those when all definition has been shattered. Let me explain…

When we let go of our myopic self-image, we create an opening for expanded states of awareness. We’ve all experienced an expanded state in some way – through a glimpse of breathtaking beauty that levels us, hearing the first miraculous howl of a newborn child, witnessing the animation of spirit in our lover’s eyes. These experiences vaporize our superficial identity, opening us to the presence of the much larger mystery.

In a similar way, meeting the mysterious Swami in India provoked a radical and life-changing expansion. After our stroll on the beach, he sent me off to meditate. For the first time in my life, as I sat in meditation, I experienced the complete dissolution of my individual identity. The illusory perception of “Stacey”, my ego with all its unsavory neurosis and identity fixations, simply dissolved. There was no differentiation in form – no remaining distinction between self and other.

The illusion of “my” existence as separate from the vastness of consciousness simply disappeared…for several blissful and liberating days. I won’t attempt to describe the experience here as it would literally be impossible. Words and thoughts are by definition parceled fragments of knowledge, finite and inadequate. To “define” is to limit in scope, and this was an expansion so immense as to be limitless and profoundly indescribable. When the experience subsided, I knew everything had changed. Life had been irrevocably altered.

Through this experience, I clearly grasped the fallacy of identity. Our identity is a self-imposed prison where we are our own jailor. The ideas we defend as “me, mine, and I” are the very ideas that keep us captive from our true freedom. The small, ego self is but a paltry sliver of the brilliant, infinite Self of awakened consciousness. By clinging to a few insignificant attributes, we deny ourselves the vastness of all Being.

Once we concede our small identity, we can know the enormity of who we really are. We are set free from jail (and from the jailer!). The wise Swami later explained, “By becoming nothing, you become everything.”

I had asked him to teach me how to create with more ease and joy, and this seemed to be the first lesson: let go of the struggle and the attachment to your limited identity and recognize the vast creative potential of who you really are.

“The Kingdom of Heaven is within,” taught Christ. Heaven is a state of inner freedom, not confined to the afterlife but available this very moment. Surrender you limited, battle-worn identity, and you will find it. The exalted mystical teachers of all faiths have been those stabilized in this universal awareness, knowing and living the truth of the unlimited Self while walking in the world.

So I ask again: Who are you, really?

I’m sure each of you have fascinating life histories, stories that could provoke tears of tenderness and wails of triumph and delight, but which ultimately would not disclose the real you. Similarly, the story I shared these past two weeks relayed the futility of human identity, exposing the parts of “me” that were bound in limitation. I could have told the story a dozen different ways, yet none would have revealed who I really am.

While I celebrate the fascinating diversity of human expression, I ultimately long to know the real you -- the you beyond the exterior identity, the you unbounded by human limitation, the you as vast creative potential. No matter what box you’ve constructed for yourself, you don’t fool me. I’ve played, for a few brief moments, in the field of oneness with you. I’ve seen you naked, revealed, and beautiful…and I’ve touched your deepest Self, where you and I dissolve into one and walk on this earth together as in heaven.

As Rumi magically expressed…

I, you, he, she, we…
In the garden of mystic
Lovers, these
Are not
True

Distinctions
*********
Exercise: I invite you to do the following exercise each night this week before bed. First, mentally review your day, briefly replaying your various activities, and then consciously releasing all “doing” for the day. Now, with pen and paper in hand, tune into your “being”, asking yourself the question “Who Am I?” Fill the page with whatever answers come to mind. Who am I? Who am I? Who am I? As you go deeper each night, you will peel back the layers of identity, ultimately revealing the core essence of who you really are. Who are you?